SON SON
Every afternoon as soon as Ian arrives home from school, he logs on to his instant messaging service and checks to see whom he can chat with online. “We talk about what we’re doing this weekend, comfort friends if something bad has happened and sometimes tell jokes,” he says.
Instant messaging, commonly referred to as IM, is like e-mail in real-time. Instead of sending a message and waiting for it to be delivered, read and replied to, IM lets you receive a message the moment it is sent. In fact, messages pop up instantaneously on the screens of both receiver and recipient, and the speed of communication is determined mostly by the speed with which one types.
Communicating via the keyboard is the most popular way for teens and pre-teens to keep up with friends these days. According to a 2005 Pew Internet and American Life study, e-mail is still a popular form of communication but IM is preferred. The study indicates that 75 per cent of teens aged 12 to 17 use instant messaging and of those teens, 48 per cent say they use IM at least every day. The study also shows teens are increasingly sending more than words over IM. Fifty per cent of those using IM have sent links to articles or websites and 45 per cent have used IM to send photos or documents.
Judy Ranieri, co-founder of KapableKidz Inc., a company that specializes in computer education, says there are definite benefits to the instant messaging craze. “It’s a great way for kids to keep in touch with casual friends, talk long distance without the costs and improve keyboarding skills,” she says.
It also makes it easier for a shy girl or boy to chat with a new buddy. Ian, admittedly bashful, says, “It’s easier for me to talk to girls now.”
During spring break kids who stay home will want to keep in touch with their friends like they always do. What a perfect time for parents to stay close and to learn the ins and outs of instant messaging.
Ensure your kids are messaging safely
Ranieri says instant messaging has a higher safety factor and is better than a chat room because kids can set up contact lists and block specific individuals from being on their lists. This means both children and supervising parents have control over whom a child is speaking with. Still, Ranieri emphasizes it’s important kids don’t give their e-mail address to strangers, don’t add strangers to their list of contacts and do block anyone using unkind words.
When children sign up for instant messaging, they use their e-mail address, but once on IM, they can choose a nickname or handle, which is only visible by those on their contact list. This means that if Grandma is a contact, kids should refrain from using a handle that is slang or offensive.
Different instant messaging services have different security features preventing intruders from entering a contact list. On MSN Messenger, for example, click Tools > Options > Privacy, then check the box that says Only people on my Allow list can send me messages. Click View on the same page to see who has added your child to their contact list. By ticking the box that says Alert me when other people add me to their contact list, a child can refuse to let other users add them to their list.
If there is a name online that your child does not recognize, simply right-click it, then select Block. That person will not be able to contact your child. Delete Contact will remove the name from the Messenger screen.
Beware of bullying
It is important to remember that it is just as easy for friends to hook up online as it is for bullies to pursue. Teasing in the playground may continue online, but in language that is far meaner. In addition, because children can have a chat with several children at the same time, there is the possibility that a group may gang up on an individual.
“Kids in focus groups have told us instant messaging facilitates doing and saying things they wouldn’t do face to face,” says Cathy Wing, director of community programs for the Media Awareness Network. “They feel more removed so they are less likely to have empathy for how their words affect someone.”
To help your children understand how to protect themselves while messaging, turn to sites like Cyberbullying.ca, Web Aware and Wired Kids, Inc. According to these sites, children should:
- Never respond to a bully;
- Save offensive or bullying messages and show them to a parent or to a known and trusted adult;
- Avoid writing anything they wouldn’t mind the world seeing;
- Understand that some forms of online bullying are considered a crime, including racist remarks and publishing remarks that could ruin a person’s reputation.
Address parental concerns
For many parents the biggest concern with instant messaging is that kids often don’t know when to stop. “Lots of kids leave MSN on, so when the sound notification goes off signalling a new message, it’s difficult not to respond,” says Arlette Lefebvre, staff psychiatrist with Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children.
Sites like Enuff PC offer programs that can limit the amount of time children chat. The software, which tells kids how much time they have left on the computer, can be purchased online.
Other steps require nothing but awareness and diligence. “Have a central place where you can monitor how much instant messaging is being done and with whom,” suggests Ranieri.
If the problem is that you, the parent, are not familiar with the technology, learn it. Install the same instant messenger program your child uses and start chatting with friends and family. That’s probably the best way to familiarize yourself with the program and learn first-hand what your kids are doing every day.